You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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