i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
