Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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