I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
