hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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