Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she pinky promised me she was 18
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
