I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
