I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
