i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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