You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
