What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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