Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
