What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
