so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
