i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
