Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
