Did you just see the Batmobile???
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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