And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
