I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
