3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
