Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Still dying that you shit outside
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
