i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
