I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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