allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm getting married
To pizza
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
