and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
