Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
