well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
