I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
