LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
