here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
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Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
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You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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