Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
