so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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