I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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