Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
