I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
