I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
