I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
