Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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