He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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