I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
