FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
