Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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