Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
