Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
