I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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