So drunk its hurt
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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