Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
