you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
