I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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