I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I've blown a few things in my day
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
