What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
