I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
