I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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