Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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