I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
cat food counts as protein by the way
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
