RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
