i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
