so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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