you turned your livingroom into a bong?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize