I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
