I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
