I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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