Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
