Sry I called you an 8
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
