You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
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My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
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All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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