We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
