Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
