You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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